As you all know, I do divorce law so needless to say, I am full of advice both as to how to divorce AND how not to divorce.
Today's lesson is simple, don't search your spouses computer, cell phone etc, nothing good can come of it. If you suspect your spouse of stepping out, fine but trying to find out passwords, hacking computers or cell phones will not lead you to happiness. Face it, not finding anything will probably lead you to think like Don Rumsfeld when the US couldn't find WMD in Iraq. Scoffing at suggestions the US blew it and Iraq had no such weapons, he said "absence of evidence is not evidence of absence". In other words, just because you don't find the smoking text doesn't mean it didn't exist. Your suspicions will never go away.
If you are successful in finding out, what good will that serve. Ok, you caught him/her, will that help your marriage/relationship? Chances are no. In the end, searching away will only lead to pain and suffering.
Take the ostrich approach, bury your head and do nothing. At least you will stay married.
Most people aren't strong enough to do that. But hunting for indiscretion is rarely necessary anyway, it has a habit of presenting itself after awhile. I will be married 25 years in October. They haven't all been easy ones. That is the other problem, it seems to me, is that people get married thinking it's all going to be wonderful, and it's not, and if you're not seriously ready to deal with all the ups and downs, stay single.
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